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Mad Across America

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 22:55:25 +0000

It's a hopeless... situation
And I'm starting to believe
That this hopeless... situation
Is what I'm trying to achieve

But I try
To run on
Towards
All or none... all or none

All Or None [excerpt] by Pearl Jam

All of us are born to greatness. Though greatness is relative, what may be great to me is not so great to you, and vice versa. The fact remains that each of us is walking around with greatness inside of us.

Sometimes, this can be brought to our attention by a seemingly random thought we may have. Other times it might be an extremely deep desire or passion to do something amazing, something inspiring, something great.

Our reactions to these thoughts and desires can largely determine the outcome of the initial inspiration. Do we respond by agreeing with that inspiration and following it, or do we often respond with a Yeah, that would be great but...

Enter: Max Andrew Dubinsky, the writer behind the Make It Mad blog.

Over the last year I've seen Max go from being comfortable and unhappy, to having a total number of possessions that could be counted on fingers and toes, and yet more fulfilled than he's ever been.

How is this possible?

Max listened to those inspirations.

He identified with the inspirations and came to the realization that they were, in fact, the very revelation of who Max Andrew Dubinsky is.

And here comes the kickass part, Max dropped everything to pursue greatness.

All or none.

Greatness doesn't just happen.

The inspiration is a seed, it's pure and raw potential.

It's when we grab the bull by the horns, and we set our focus eye to eye with that snorting, mouth foaming beast of fear, intimidation be damned, confrontation imminent, victory our hope, a good bloody fight at the very least, that we can enter into the realm of the realization of that inspiration and the pursuit of the culmination of that raw desire, which is greatness.

I will blog my way across America in search of faith and the people who’ve lost it; as well as the ones who cannot live without it. I will encounter the homeless, the orphans, and the widows. I will connect with individuals, churches, and organizations; radicals changing the world piece by piece.

Max Andrew Dubinsky

Many of you reading this may be coming from a place where you don't believe in God, you think it's a ridiculous idea and a waste of your time. While others may have had so much pain in your life that the idea that there is a God is insulting to you and who you think God should be if there is one, and why then are you going through all this pain.

Here's an idea, drop Max a line, arrange to have coffee with him and just talk.

And for those of you listening to that inspiration and wanting to experience that greatness, whatever it is to you personally, be encouraged, put on your gloves and grab those horns, start kicking and fighting for what matters in your life and what it really is that you aspire to.

Check Out

Calling it Christian

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 17:51:47 +0000

Jesus Saves. NYC graffiti artist. 2006 Photo Clint Fisher

What are Christian artists supposed to create?

Is a Christian photographer supposed to take pictures of Jesus? (Highly improbable, though if anyone could do it it would be TMZ).

Is a Christian painter supposed to paint portraits of Jesus? (Wait what color was he?)

Is a Christian writer supposed to write about Jesus? (Done. Apostles did that already)

Is a Christian actor supposed to play Jesus? (Talk about starving for lack of work)

Is a Christian sculptor supposed to sculpt figures of Jesus? (Hey, buddy, what is this? I think Jesus wasn't as muscular as you made him there.)

What is a Christian artist?

We are humans. We are artists. We are Christians.

In that order. The first two you are born with, the latter you are born again with. If you try to flip that order, nobody will understand you except other Christians.

A Christian is a person. Just like any other person. Only they’ve chosen to believe they have a Savior, and exhibit Christ-like behavior. (Which is not exclusive, as there are many people who reflect this behavior who are not Christian.) The exhibiting Christ-like behavior part is much harder than it seems. We often fail miserably at it. And if we are honest with ourselves as well as others, it brings us back to being human, just like anyone else.

Freedom

As Christians we are free. And as artists, it is in that freedom we should create. We should create what we feel, and in that freedom we will be relevant, authentic, and transparent.

As artists we need to be sure our work is top notch. Our standards are extremely high. Having the constant awareness that we can always be better.

There is nothing wrong with calling yourself a Christian artist. For an artist who portrays/reflects Christ in their work, it's an extension of their new life.

There is, however, a growing segment of artists who are Christians separating themselves from the Christian label. Why are they doing this? For some, they don't want the baggage of what is viewed as Christian to influence other’s opinions of their work. For others (myself included), it's a desire to be seen, heard, or read just as one would experience any other artist.

This is very similar to the cultural stance on Religion vs God. You will hear more complaints and accusations hurled at religion than you actually will hear about God. Religion is a flawed human system because we as humans are flawed.

Here's the real deal: the label, in this case the Christian label, is not the power. It's not what makes something good.

If you invite a friend to a Christian concert, and this friend has never been to church, there’s a good chance Todd is going to say no. But if you simply asked Todd to check out a rock band you’ve heard good things about, well, you might just get Todd’s attention.

If Todd goes and 1.) the band plays quality music, and 2.) there's something more to it that you can't put a finger on, then that's where the power is. It's not in the Christian label.

Unfortunately, we as humans feel comfortable with labels. If at your invitation Todd asked more about the band and what kind of music they play, you'd have to describe them in some way, indie, alternative, whatever. And by Todd knowing you, he might ask if they are a Christian band.Again with the labels making our simple invitation to check out a band more complex and exhaustive.

The cultural idea of what is Christian is often so far removed from Christ that anything with that label now hurts more than helps.

Take Chick-fil-A restaurants for example. The founder is a Christian. Truett Cathy. However, in the name Chick-fil-A, there is no reference to it being a Christian restaurant. No taglines under the logo that say Our Chickens are Baptized. It's just a franchise which has become very popular for the food they serve. Their customers go there because they like the food. Simple as that.

We must motivate ourselves to do our very best, and by our example lead others to do their best as well.

Truett Cathy

I never thought I'd quote a chicken salesmen, as I myself don't eat chicken.

It is when we are creating and doing our best, maintaining high quality standards and constantly learning and growing that we make an impact, becoming relevant and influential.

Who Are You?

The key to relating to people is found in you. The key to people relating to your work is found in you. The more you know who you are, the more transparent you become. When you cultivate the characteristics that make you interesting as a person and impart them into your work, there becomes a oneness between who you are and what you create.

What you create is an extension of who you are. It doesn't always define who you are, but it does inform others about you.

It’s time to strip the labels and show people who you really are. Share your opinion, speak through your work. As an artist, at the end of the day, your work should say more about you than any label ever could.

A Marked Man

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 17:49:58 +0000

Photo Clint Fisher

God put a mark on Cain to protect him so that no one who met him would kill him.

Genesis 4:5

I have a mark.

I do not know what this mark looks like. I have never seen it. This mark is invisible to me; only seen by women.

The closest I ever come to seeing it is when I look into the face of a woman after she has seen me, or perhaps she's simply looked right passed me.

Sometimes it's like a superpower of invisibility. I cannot be seen.

It’s the mark of rejection.

“You are ugly and no woman will ever want to be with you. I simply enjoy showing you these beautiful women because I know that He has put his mark on you. Now it’s my job to make sure you focus on only yourself—how alone you are and will always be. I'll highlight all of your inadequacies so you'll see them in the reflections on the faces of those women you admire day in and day out.

I want you constantly reminded of how alone you are, how undesirable you are. No one will ever want you. Isn't it obvious?

Go ahead. Try to encourage yourself when you see a beautiful woman with a man you believe is less attractive than you. He's obviously doing it right. What are you doing?

You know what? I wasn’t going to say it, but I can’t resist. I love God. He and I don't always get along, but I love to see you go through this pain. I mean, I couldn't have planned it any better myself. You have to hand it to the guy...

He doesn't like you. If He liked you, truly loved you like he claims, then why aren't you normal like everyone else?

A smarter man would have left him a long time ago, went and got himself a hot woman. Remember, those days. Those were the days... You never used to have any problem. I know because I was there. And not to brag about it—well, yeah, fuck it, why not—the only reason you got those women was because of me.

How many years now have you been on this pathetic God journey? Didn't you notice that once the sex stopped, you started thinking more and more about Him until you actually bowed down to that loser and gave your life to him? Let's be honest here. How's that working out for you so far?

You are a sinner. You always have been. And always will be. Quit denying who you are and just celebrate it already.

Do you get it yet? Let me say it again: God does not like you. He just shows you all these women that you will never have. Rubs it in your face. Worse, you think you are being of service to Him by trying to do things His way.

What about your way?

I know tons of so-called Christian men who have hot, beautiful wives. But they obviously are better at this God thing than you are. God likes them. He just doesn't like you. Fuck this. You know what? I don't like you either.

But at least in the women department, I treated you better than He does. I felt sorry for your pathetic self.

God has abandoned you, and you think you are too good for my help again? Let me ask you something, hotshot. Where does that leave you? Hey, no sweat off my back. I'm having a great time watching you struggle with this ordeal. I’m having to put very little effort into it down here. This is a win-win for me.

Hey, cheer up buddy.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

It's always too soon to quit.

Haha. You’re too old anyway.

Hey. Hello? Are you still there? Are you listening to me?”

Goodbye Grace

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 17:48:08 +0000

Photo Clint Fisher

She finds me in the coffee shop, again. She sits without invitation. We've been doing this dance for months. She hasn't missed a step.

I pretend to care about the surrendered Sunday paper at the table to my right, now her left, and she wants to know what I'm looking at.

It's always this way when I'm not looking at her.

The coffee's cold by now. I drink anyway.

She won't order anything. She never does. Not here. She won't be around long enough to enjoy it.

An unlit cigarette between my lips, she offers me a light.

I kindly oblige.

I want an answer by the time you finish that, she dutifully instructs.

I've got no more answers, only questions.

How can she look at me, I want to know. So I say, I look at you and I only see her.

Don't call it a her.

A piece of us is missing. Something we'll never get back.

I ran through the hallways screaming, Don't do this!

I screamed, Stop!

Screamed, You're not the only one this is about!

Three orderlies and an armed security guard. That's what it took to stop me.

Has she forgotten already? I want to ask, but I just drag on smoke and ash instead.

Afterwards, when the whole debacle finally settled, we held each other on the steps out front and cried until our insides dried, until we were so tired we couldn't walk; our throats so sore we couldn't speak for weeks.

She moved out three days later, and I subsequently lost the two people I loved most in life.

She takes my hand in hers, shows me her teeth, her lips, her tongue.

I've never felt so alone in such a mad, crowded world.

We can do this, she says. I can't do this without you.

We were young, and in love, and now she just needs someone to hate.

You martyr.

You mastermind.

I blow smoke and tell her I'd have died instead. Had I known it was going to be like this.

Like what? she asks.

Like everything I ever loved is hanging by a rope that hurts to hold.

So I let go.

How do you think I feel? she wants to know. Why do you think I'm here?

What happens if it happens again? I ask, drawing on the last of the ambers inches from my lips. I stub the butt into the ashtray and smear stray ashes across the table with the palm of my hand.

Sometimes no answer is your answer.

Morning Doesn’t Come

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 17:45:59 +0000

Design Clint Fisher

She slides into the booth like she's fallen from the sky, dropping in from thirty-seven thousand feet just to ask why she's been dragged here so early in the morning.

The duct tape holding the torn, red vinyl seats together groans and stretches against the sudden onslaught of her heroin-thin frame. She wears her flip-flops, and stubs her toe against the door on the way in. It's all she can think about.

He thinks the sunglasses she wears are too big for her face, and he's glad to see her take them off.

His face full of stubble, she's annoyed she'll have to kiss him goodbye.

He's already ordered their coffee.

She sips and complains that it's cold, and he says, well, they were supposed to meet at seven.

I know, why so early? Where were you this morning? She tucks her feet beneath her legs, her toe throbbing all the while. Can you believe how hot it is already today? She's looking out the window like you can actually see the living, breathing entity the summer heat has become.

I'm going away, he tells her, getting right to it. No sense in wasting any time.

The air is thick with bacon grease and burnt coffee. They'll have to get a shower in and change their clothes when they get home.

Really? She wants to know where.

Her pale, blue eyes are gray today.

I can't tell you. He won't brush his bangs from his forehead. His hair is getting long, but not long enough to keep it tucked and secured behind his ears. This frustrates her.

It was nothing but stubble when they first met, when she asked him to grow it out.

I'm not sure I understand. Why can't you tell me?

Because I don't know where I'm going. He keeps biting his thumbnail, wishing he had remembered to clip it this morning.

You don't know? She can't help but think this all seems a bit over-dramatic.

No.

It's too loud in here for her. All these early-morning commuters turning their newspapers page-by-page, talking on phones clipped to their ears. She enjoys her coffee at quiet cafés, and her breakfast in bed. She says pancakes taste better that way.

She asks him, Then why would you leave?

I have to get away from you.

What?

Their waitress walks by. He motions with his empty mug for more coffee. You're no good for me. He says this like he's talking about saturated fats and not the woman he's been seeing for two years.

When will you be back?

Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never.

Quite skeptical of his declarations she says, You don't know where you're going and you may never return?

That sounds about right.

Sounds like it's made up.

Sounds more like life to me.

She wants to know if he's taking anything with him.

I put some clothes and an extra pair of shoes in a garbage bag this morning. It's in my trunk.

You packed before you left?

Just the essentials, he tells her.

Your toothbrush was still on the sink when I got up.

I can buy a new one.

You know I hate waking up alone.

And to think how much we used to hate going to bed alone. We just can't win.

She's had enough at this point. His elusive statements. The cold coffee. The early morning. Why don't you tell me what's really going on? She wants to know so she can go home. Back to bed where she'll enjoy a proper breakfast.

The waitress refills their mugs. His mug. Hers is still full of coffee and getting colder.

I just want some consistency from you. I told you if we kept this up, you'd drive me away.

She sighs relief. I get it.

I hope so.

This is all metaphorically speaking.

This is me getting behind the wheel and putting as much distance between us as possible without driving into the Atlantic.

She's not so sure how to take that so she says, You know, I found your suicide notes, and believes this to be the appropriate retaliatory response.

Don’t take it personally. It was just something to pass the time.

Her feet are falling asleep. She can no longer feel her toe, and this pleases her. Are you going away because you plan to kill yourself?

He picks up the dinner knife and twirls the tip of the blade against the table. It was more of a hobby than anything.

What will I tell my friends?

You never tell them anything. I can't imagine there being an issue.

She wants to know what he'll do for money. Did he quit his job?

He tells her he just isn't going in today. They'll figure it out.

Don't I get a say in this?

I never got a say in us. Why should you get a say in this? He pauses. He's being unfair. He says so. I guess that's being unfair. Then he says, Go ahead and say what you'd like.

I'd like you to stay.

Is that all?

She shrugs. More or less.

Let's talk about less.

I feel like you've just brought me here to prove something. She sips her coffee and makes a face like she's surprised it's cold.

I sent you letters, but you never read them. I called, but you wouldn't answer. I showed up at your door, and you were never home.

What was I supposed to do?

All this time, you've only wanted me the way you wanted me. He returns the knife to where he found it. I have to go. He takes one last sip of coffee, knowing it'll only be a matter of minutes before he'll have to stop somewhere and pee.

Now?

It's all I've got. He stands.

Looking up at him she wonders aloud, Can't this wait until tomorrow morning? She's confident this will pass. It always passes.

And if morning doesn’t come? He plays with the change in his pockets, taps his toes, fiddles with all that hair that just won't stay still.

Morning always comes, Silly.

He looks out the door to a world he's all too unfamiliar with.

Looking back at her he says, That's what scares me.

He leaves enough money on the table to cover the bill.

She touches her toes to make sure they're still there.

Goodbye, Love. He walks away.

She orders the pancakes. They just don't taste the same.

The End.

Club 27

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 17:45:38 +0000

Design Clint Fisher

The Rolling Stones, The Jimi Hendrix Experience, Big Brother and the Holding Company, The Doors. Each band, legendary heavy-hitters that defined the music of the late 60's to the early 70's and arguably beyond...

Club 27 Originals

Brian Jones
Jimi Hendrix
Janis Joplin
Jim Morrison

Certainly a kick-ass list of musicians, and all original members of an unfortunate group, each of which died at the age of 27.

It started with Brian Jones, he was the first to die on July 3, 1969. Then came Jimi Hendrix on September 18, 1970. Following Jimi was Janis Joplin who passed a couple weeks later on October 4, 1970. Lastly, Mr Mojo Risin, Jim Morrison left us on July 3, 1971 sharing the same date as Brian Jones, only two years after.

Within the span of two years, four giants of Psychedelic Blues Rock & Roll had dropped like flies and starkly reminded us that youth does not equate with invincibility.

The list of members in Club 27 grew to include musicians long before this time, namely, legendary bluesman Robert Johnson in 1938, and post 1970 members included Alan Blind Owl Wilson of Canned Heat, Ron Pigpen McKernan of The Grateful Dead, and Nirvana's Kurt Cobain. Also, the list expanded to other art forms including painter, Jean-Michel Basquiat and poet Alexander Bashlachev. Unfortunately, this isn't the extent of the list, there are more. {ref1}

I was born few weeks after Janis died, November 15, 1970, to be exact. I was heavy into music at a very young age. My parents had a great vinyl collection, and I would spend hours pulling them all out, staring at the covers, examining the fold-outs, looking inside the sleeves for posters. The smell of those records was incredible. Sometimes I would take them up to my room, sit down with a pencil and my sketchbook, and draw entire album covers. I'd spend hours and hours on end studying them, occasionally bringing my drawings downstairs to show my parents.

This marriage of art and music became the foundation of my self expression. The music I heard inspired me and fueled my art. I had one overarching desire— to translate visually some semblance of what I was hearing with my ears, even a hint.

Art Direction & Design William S. Harvey

It was during this period that I was introduced to The Doors. Out of all the vinyl this one smelled the best. The cover was dark and eclectic, and seemed to pull me right into it. That's one of the things we've lost in this digital era. Music used to be tangible. There was a smell to it, the paper would become worn, corners would slightly round. It was a warm experience.

I entered the music of Club 27 through The Doors, next was Jimi Hendrix [There's not enough space in this article for me to talk about Jimi, trust me I could go on, and on, and on...] and the rest followed shortly after.

It wasn't until my 20's that I really started thinking more about the members of this list. What drew me in? With each of these musicians there was a seriousness, a weight, artists who took their craft and their talents with such vigor that they virtually exploded on the scene. Not only in performing, but in completely defining and redefining their instruments. Whether it was Jones' multi-instrumentalism, Jimi's guitar playing, Janis's voice, or Morrison's words. These were not just musicians. These were masters.

Jim Morrison said in reference to The Doors when being interviewed that Foremost, we're musicians and writers... {ref2} It wasn't about being a band it was about pure art.

It's one thing to be born with talent, it’s quite another to push beyond it, shape, refine, and master it. This is a process that when lived out continuously with relentless fervor and standards so high—that they are nearly unreachable—causes incredible things to happen. Greatness happens; mediocrity be damned.

Every time I think about the members of Club 27, the same questions always come to mind.

Did they know?

This is probably the question I think about the most. Did they know their life was going to end so soon? A natural tendency is to take it easy, to kick back and take life one day at a time. With youth comes energy, but also at times a lack of focused concentration. And certainly thoughts of having a limited amount of time is not a youthful muse.

Being young is about exploration and self discovery, often with boldness and a desensitized awareness of fear. Time is a central theme of life and we've always been told You've got time.

As human beings we are bound by time, there is no escaping it, it's a natural law like gravity and hot girls getting stuff for free.

Was there something inside them that encouraged each of them on a daily basis, saying your time is limited, focus on your talents? Clearly, time was not on their side, However, something else obviously was. Something that transcended time.

Maybe it was the drugs or booze? Perhaps that played a part, but clearly a minor role; substances don't create amazing works of art, people do.

How is it that they were so prolific and influential, did they know that their work was going to inspire countless numbers of artists and music lovers throughout all time? The massive amounts of “new” material that is unearthed from them year to year is mind blowing. From shows to studio recordings and obscure bootlegs that existed in secret places of collectors' closets. Any new song—be it a demo, an outtake, a version—brings us that much closer to the artist and the work that inspires us.

Were these artists any different than us? What is it about them specifically? Can it be surmised that hard work is all it takes? Did risk play a part in their success?

I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to.

Jimi Hendrix

Just think for a minute what it would have been like if each of them had taken up a day job and made something of their lives. Thank God that didn't happen. Each of them were true to their calling as artists, they pursued their art passionately. Plunging themselves head first, sometimes with wreckless abandon into the abyss of creativity, finding their unique place of freedom and self expression.

If there was some kind of voice inside them, is it also in us? Is it encouraging us to pursue what we've been given with fervor? If so, are we listening, or are distractions getting in our way? Are the pressures of getting a real job mounting, or are we saying to ourselves that we have all the time in the world to do what we want? If there's anything that the members of Club 27 are telling us, it's certainly not, Kick back and relax.

They are calling us to be who we are, to really and truly live our dreams, to pour out everything that is within us as an offering to our audience, and to continue to do so until our very last breath.

Max Andrew Dubinsky

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 17:43:35 +0000

Max Andrew Dubinsky, the writer and the name behind Make It MAD, free from the confines of retail shackles and chains, caught up with me to talk about childhood novels, drinking, God, and sharks at M Street Coffee in Los Angeles, California.

Why do you write?

It's in my veins. I've been writing for as long as I can remember. First grade: I wrote my first book in first grade.

First book? What was it called?

First book. The Turkey and the Pilgrim. It was a fully illustrated adventure with written narration. It was about a turkey. And a pilgrim. The pilgrim was trying to find a turkey for dinner. In the end, they have Thanksgiving dinner together.

And you illustrated it?

And colored it, wrote it, everything. I did a whole series of books like that. They weren't always about turkeys and pilgrims, but it's what I did for fun. I didn't play any sports or video games. I sat in my room and wrote books. I would take multiple sheets of computer paper and staple them together. I even wrote author and publisher information on the front copy. I did it all, man. I ran my own printing press! I’ll tell you what, though. It was a lot easier to write a book in first grade than it is now.

[laughs]

It's entirely more challenging now. I wrote my first real book in fifth grade. Escape from School. I wrote it by hand on over 200 sheets of notebook paper. It starred Bruce Willis and Christian Slater as themselves. [laughs] I was the action hero, and they happened to be at my school for whatever reason. Beautiful stuff. The school was taken over by terrorists, and I had to save the day. I clearly developed a hero complex pretty early on in my life. That was my first novel. The first book I wrote was in first grade, the first novel was written by hand in fifth grade. Then my second novel I wrote when I was 21.

That's a long time between novels.

Well, I struggled with being a writer in my home town. No one else was doing it. Everyone else was playing football and studying business, growing up with aspirations to be teachers. Me, I made creepy crawlers a lot, remember those? You bake those bugs made of goo in a plastic oven. I would sell those on the street. Literally. I sold them to kids in my classroom. Who would buy that crap? Clearly I was caught up in the underbelly of society there. So, yeah, it took me over nine years to write my second novel.

What was that experience like?

I was 21 and drunk for the entire duration I worked on that one. So that made that easy to write. [laughs] The lesson here? You have to be careless in the care of your creativity. In fifth grade I didn’t know what I was doing so I didn’t care. I was drunk while writing my second book so I didn’t care then either. In both instances I completed a novel. Now I'm a sober, disciple of Christ who can't write anything but this blog.

[laughs all around]

Who are your inspirations and influences as a writer?

My inspirations, not because I love their writing but because they weren't afraid to define a generation; they weren't afraid to step out of the box: Kerouac, Ginsberg, Salinger. They just took it to the next level. They didn't care. They wrote anything they wanted. Broke all the rules. I respect them as writers.

A lot of modern fiction is my influence. My writing style has developed from a lot of modern fiction that's out these days. Charlie Huston, Dennis Lehane, Kelly Braffet. Those are larger influences of mine. I would say as far as favorite authors go, everything Salinger has done. He just knew how to do it. He could propel an entire novel with just dialogue. I have a lot of respect for that.

You've recently been making moves to write for a living. What precipitated this, and what are some of the challenges you are facing as a result?

Working a regular job was never for me. I’ve been working since I was fourteen, and I never enjoyed any position I ever held. Every time I knew I was working a job that belonged to someone else. I spent 4 years in a meat packing plant. I managed a Starbucks in Beverly Hills, I helped open a restaurant in West Hollywood, I washed dishes, I worked in retail, I ran the front desks at hotels. My last job, managing that Starbucks, when I left there, I decided I would never work another 9 to 5 job again.

Writing has always been in my blood. One day I just had the notion of, Why can't I do what I love for a living? It was just a matter of never feeling comfortable with anything I was doing.

But at the same time, writing itself is a full time job. It's a very hard thing to try to have a job, and write at the same time. You have to go all in with one or the other.

Or never sleep.

Exactly, and I like to sleep. [laughs] And I played that game, it doesn't work.

One of the most stifling things to an artist and his ambitions are the traditional schools of thought about what makes a valid career. You are now writing as a career. What are your thoughts on this?

I think the validity of writing isn't recognized as a career, as a job, until after you have success. People don't see you selling your stuff to pay rent, the networking and rejection letters, the submissions. The hours of manuscripts, and throwing things away then writing them again. Nobody ever sees that part. All they see is the final product when it comes to writing. Sometimes I feel as though anyone unfamiliar with the writing process kind of thinks you just wish that stuff into existence.

What determines success as a writer?

Writing. Just writing.

Selling?

Selling has nothing to do with the success of a writer. It's the simple task of writing. The writing itself is the success. It's sitting down at your computer and writing every single day.

Much of your work focuses on relationships, and within those, many are damaged and somewhat dysfunctional. Is it just more entertaining to write about things that are broken?

My life is damaged and dysfunctional. [laughs] A writer writes what he knows...If my life was all rainbows and rose gardens I'd write about those too. Unicorns and snap dragons.

Photo Matthew Desotell

Look, life is ugly. Life is broken. We live in a fallen world, and I think the best redemption comes out of that. I'm fascinated by the way we humans handle being broken, but I that’s where redemption lies: in being broken. That's why I write about it.

Let's talk about darkness for a bit. Typically, when one thinks about God, the concept of light is often the norm. In terms of Christianity, when it comes to artistic expression, the idea of darkness and God is virtually non existent. Yet, the opening pages of the Bible tells us that darkness was upon the face of the deep, and the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters... What is it about darkness that inspires many artists and fuels their work?

God's light shines brightest in the darkness. If all art was safe and full of light all the time, we wouldn't see the light. I think that's what compels me to write about redemption, to write about the ugly side of life. It's so much easier to identify the light in the dark. Otherwise, we blind ourselves by turning on all the lights around us, and we don't know where the real light is coming from anymore.

What about the connotation that many Christians hold that darkness is evil, if you are a Christian you can't write about darkness because that's not God.

Then what are you writing about? Our planet is an incredible place, but it's a fallen world. We're all sinners. It is in our nature: darkness. We have terrible thoughts, we act certain ways. I think to say anything else in your writing is just lying. But I believe the only thing we owe to anyone in this world is the truth. Let it wreck what it will wreck, and leave them to sort out the pieces.

I feel like Christians, writers, Christian as artists in general, limit themselves. They draw this box and they give themselves boundaries because they are afraid to see what would happen or what their Christian audience will think if they crossed the boundary.

Art was never meant to be safe. You're supposed to break boundaries, you can't contain yourself inside of a box when you're trying to be an artist.

The thing that I stand by and get criticism for, is that I am a Christian and I write about sex, and porn, and violence, and once and a while, I curse too for good measure.

Does that bother you?

I'm not after Christians. They’re saved. They know the truth. I’m after the people who want nothing to do with God. The most rewarding thing about what I am doing is the letters and fan mail, certain things that I get. I get emails every day from people telling me: I was reading your blog, and I can't believe you're a Christian, this is awesome. When someone tells me, Your blog was just what I was looking for to re-ignite, to get my faith back on track, that’s success. That’s all that matters. Make It MAD is just a road sign along the way to the truth.

Do you consider yourself a perfectionist?

No. I'm a writer, and I am never going to be perfect with what I write. You'll never be happy or satisfied with your work if it's got to be perfect. My writing is far from perfect and I am far from a perfect individual. But I do strive to be better.

Do you pray before you write?

I pray before I write my blog. I don't often pray before I write my fiction. When I write fiction it just kind of happens. I just sit down and start writing. One minute I'm doing one thing and the next minute I've got an idea, and I sit and I write. However, it’s a different story with my blog. I never want Make It Mad to be about me. And it's a hard, hard thing to do. The mentality I write with is that I am not the truth, but hopefully this will point you in the direction of the truth. I think the content on Make It MAD is better than any writing I've ever done. And Make It MAD is the only writing of mine that I've 100% surrendered over to God.

Do you get writer's block?

Before Max could answer, a woman walked over to our table and reached above us, removing a piece of artwork from the wall then proceeded right out the front door with it.

[There's some art thieves in here, someone should stop them...] [laughs] [This is awkward.] [laughs] [Nobody's doing anything...]

Do I get writer's block? Writer's block is just an excuse for alcoholics to drink.

What typically is the process you go thru in writing a fictional piece?

I sit at the keyboard and cut open a vein. Who said that? Poe, I think. Edgar Allen Poe. He said writing is easy. Just sit at the keyboard and cut open a vein. I tried that. I ended up in the hospital.

So my deal is: I don't think. I write, and I just spill. It's full of errors, terrible grammar, and incorrect punctuation, but I just let it flow. I think about a scene or a line of dialog or a character, just some some sort of scenario, and I put it on paper. Then I start building forward or backward from that.

Do you identify yourself as a Christian writer or a Christian who writes?

I identify myself as a writer who happens to be a Christian. Everything I write isn’t going to lead you to Christ. That’s a nice fantasy, but I think anyone who doesn’t believe in God is turned off by anything labeled as Christian, because no one wants to be saved anymore. We want to do the saving ourselves. However, I would absolutely identify Make It MAD as a Christian blog.

What makes it a Christian blog?

I'm trying to show people God's endless grace. No matter where you're at in life. God is in every blog that I write. Jesus and his love and sacrifice for us is in every blog that I write.

I'm trying to relay a perfect word to an imperfect world. God's word is perfect and he's using me, the most imperfect person on the planet, to try to convey his truth. Which is preposterous.

Do you feel like Christian writers, write for Christians?

I've struggled with this. On New Years Eve, someone had asked me, Do you think your blog is a Christian blog? At first I said no, and they replied, Your blog is a Christian blog. You talk about God, you talk about Jesus, you talk about his love. I couldn’t argue with that.

There's just an immediate stigma associated with Christianity. People are really put off, and this frustrates me because the very idea of Christianity was founded on Jesus who was love. And that's what he's about to his very core. That's what we talk about in this world today, love and equality, and all these great things. All things that Jesus started! That just really infuriates me. And my hope is that Make It MAD helps radically change the face of Christianity. So whether or not that associates me as a Christian writer, I don't care. That’s not what any of this is about.

If there was one thing you could fix about Christianity what would it be?

The idea that Christianity is religion, is a list of rules, and regulations. If Christianity was another list of things I needed to do throughout the day, I wouldn't be a Christian.

I've got enough to do. I've got a long list of things I need to do every single day. I don't need another list.

[laughs]

I remember the first time I ever told someone I was a Christian. I was on a date with a girl, it was my third date with her, and she mentioned Christianity. Called it crazy. So I told her I was a Christian. She looked at me, just stared and said, What? You? You're a Christian? How is that possible? You're...cool. How can a guy like you believe in a thing like that? My heart broke when she told me that. That's how you view it? That’s how far away we are from God as a society. I can't wait until that's reversed.

Redefined.

Redefined, and it's like, Oh, man! I should have known you were a Christian because you're so cool! I can't wait for that day. To me that's a movement, and that's what this generation of young kids in church and youth is being led to do: to change the face of Christianity. It is cool to believe in a Savior. I've never heard anything better than, I will never leave you or forsake you. All of these religious figures in history, none of them turned water into wine, none of them were walking on water, none of them offer complete and absolute forgiveness. All of them require good deeds, all of them require being good people, but how good is good enough? Jesus was the only one who said, I don't care who you are, I don't care what you've done, you're a sinner, but I've already forgiven you.

What advice do you have for the painter who is working at The Gap, the writer/barista at Starbucks, and the actor who's waiting tables?

If you're not living the life that you feel is intended for you, you have to take a risk. That risk looks different for everyone. It may mean quitting that job entirely, it may mean going to part time, but if your dream isn't to be in retail folding clothes, then you shouldn't be in retail folding clothes. You have to get uncomfortable. You've got to take the risk, it's about faith. You're not really living unless you're taking risks. Making mistakes is scary, making mistakes is very scary. What people don't remember is that there's so much room to make mistakes in life.

At the end of the day, the only failure I think anyone experiences is to not try. Not trying is not jumping, is not climbing up to the top and announcing, Okay, man, I finally made it up here. Am I gonna jump or not? I was so ready to jump when I worked at Starbucks. When I did, I didn’t know if I was going to land in crystal clear water, or shark-infested waters. Regardless, I still know how to swim.

So to that barista: Jump, take the risk. You can always get another job if things don't work out. You can always sleep on a friends couch. You can sell what you need to sell. People think losing their possessions means losing themselves. But owning your possessions is losing yourself.

You get one book, you're on a desert island, what book is it?

I get one book?

One book.

Am I alone on this island? Because if I'm not alone, it's Lord of the Flies.

[laughs all around]

Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz. One of the most heartbreaking books I ever read. I've read it three times now. There's nothing overly special about it. It's just a book of fiction, but l have never been so lost and caught up in two characters.

I say sharks you say:

[Max turns red, looks as visually uncomfortable as I've ever seen him]

Sorry, that was awesome! [still has no composure]

Recently, someone asked me, So what's wrong with sharks? I said, They're majestic and their beautiful creatures, but I do not favor drowning or being eaten. And last I checked sharks aren't known for their stimulating conversation. She asked, Why do you fear them? I fear sharks in the same way that I would fear spiders if I was caught in a giant web.

[laughs all around]

So you say sharks, I say, Swim faster!

Check Out

Chris Wrate

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 17:41:39 +0000

Chris Wrate, the calm, soft-spoken, guitarist who oozes talent and plays for mega-star musicians around the world including the recent American Idol winner, Lee DeWyze, recently sat down with me to chat over a cup of coffee at Stir Crazy in Hollywood, CA.

How long have you been playing guitar?

I've been playing the guitar for about 8 years now. I started when I was 17, going into my senior year of high school. My mom got me this red $90, beat up, full of stickers Ibanez guitar. I was playing bass guitar previous to that, so I was at least playing some form of guitar. Just added two strings to it.

How long were you playing bass?

Bass was probably about 2 or 3 years before that.

What kind of music were you playing?

Punk rock. It's amazing to see the vast change that occurred from punk rock; Blink 182 and Green Day, to where I'm at now.

Who are you playing with now?

Right now I'm playing with Charice Pempengco, an artist from the Philippines. The season 9 winner of American Idol, Lee DeWyze. Sacha Edwards from McGhee Entertainment, which manages Kiss, Guns & Roses and Hootie & the Blowfish.

Have you been touring with all of them?

Recently, I've been touring with Lee DeWyze on his promo tour for his recent album. I've been working with Sacha Edwards as her guitar player and music director, and doing some showcases for Disney and Hollywood Records.

How did these 3 gigs happen, who came first?

Charice was the first gig I got, that started around May of last year. She started off as an artist from the Philippines, got discovered on YouTube, was brought over here by Ellen Degeneres, then got discovered by Oprah. After that I started working with Sacha over the summer, as a referral I got from someone I met.

Were they all referrals?

A couple of them were the same guy. The first thing I ever did was an audition for The Offspring at the Musician’s Institute where I went to school.

What came of that?

I got into it, and didn't think it was anything I would become a part of.. [laughs], which is funny because that's the music I started listening to: Blink 182, Green Day, The Offspring. I loved that stuff. I just kind of wanted to get in front of them, and get acquainted with them. Hopefully get invited to his other auditions.

It wound up going really far, and I ended up playing with the band. I took second to somebody who was 10 years older than me. They're like in their 40's now. The idea of them touring with a 23-year-old at the time was just not anything they were hip to. [laughs]

So that started a bunch of auditions for me. [Barry] the same guy that referred me to that audition, made the band for Charice. So that's how I got that gig. [As for] Lee, that was something where I just got an email from a friend about this audition. They held a cattle call of a few auditions. 250 people showed. It was just a process of elimination, and somehow made it through.

Tell me about your times of struggle as an artist.

During my last semester at school, that's when I got The Offspring audition, I really tried to get myself prepared for graduating and having work so I wouldn't be packing my bags and heading home right after I graduated. [laughs]

I was failing auditions miserably. A lot of the same story; I would get down to the final 2 or 3 people and whether it was my look, or just something they liked better about somebody else, I just never quite nailed it. So I graduated with no gig. I had nothing going for myself.

Luckily, I had the support of my family. It took me a little bit. The first gig I got out here was from a Craigslist search.

[laughs all around]

After weeding out all the bad auditions on there, I found something from an artist who just moved out here from Nashville. A country-rock artist. She held an audition. I got in, and that suited me well for the time. We just played a lot of local clubs off of the sunset strip. That was the only thing going for me. I was trying to get a part time job. Nobody would hire me.

I started wondering if I was chasing the right dream. I came close to going into recording school in Nashville, and wasn't even really confident in the idea of just being a guitar player. I thought that was a crazy idea, making a living being a guitar player was just, ahhhh! doesn't sound too hopeful...

In all these auditions there's just hundreds of guitar players going out. What separates me from these guys? And what's going let me sustain a career out here so I don’t have to move back home.

You play everything from pop/rock to praise and worship music. Do you think it's important for musicians to play different types of music?

I think it's absolutely necessary for me. And it should be for others to step outside of what you like and are comfortable with. I think to limit yourself to a certain genre or type of style is really going to limit your chances of getting hired in the real world. If that's what you're going into, if you want to be a hired musician, or even a producer or anything like that, the more you take in and the more ideas you fill yourself with, that's going to contribute to you as a musician, and not limit yourself in terms of your creativity. You gotta be able to look the part and play the part. You can't be, I'm a rocker and I'm just gonna get rock gigs.

Do you also write your own music?

I was HEAVILY into that. Before moving out here that was a big part of me. I really started out writing acoustic and was into the coffee shop type of playing. The first few artists who got me into writing that stuff were John Mayer and Dave Matthews.

Photo Matthew Desotell

It's funny how things can change. When I came out here, I was still writing and I started to write with other people. Something changed. I think also just being in school and studying guitar I was thinking, How am I going to make myself hire-able? What am I gonna do? I focused more of myself on the study of the guitar, and I really started to enjoy the fact of supporting an artist. Doing everything I can to contribute to that artist without actually being the main guy in the front of the stage.

Do you consider yourself a perfectionist?

When it comes to music, I definitely think so. You know you are your own worst critic.

In your relationship with God as an artist, what do you see as your part and what do you see as God's part?

This was one of the hardest things for me to navigate. I think that's why it took me a long time to get gigs. One of my closest friends put it a good way: I make God my manager. If you go to your manager and say, I'm really interested in getting into this, and I want this kind of gig, learning that it's okay to ask God for things was huge. Going to Him and saying these are the things I want. Put me into a position to do that, and I'm going to do the work. I will knock on doors. I'm going to do these auditions and pray about the things you set up in front of me.

Learning how to ask for those things was a huge thing for me because I felt like, how do you ask God and say I want this?

What was holding you back?

I think it's just the feeling of being undeserving, and understanding also that that's what grace is for. I read in John Eldredge's Fathered by God that his daughter heard an ice cream truck and went up to him and said, Dad give me two bucks quick, now, the ice cream truck is about to leave, and at first he says, I can't believe you are just demanding money of me right now, but then it hits him: The ice cream truck. Of course, I understand. In her eagerness for the opportunity that is right there, that's how we should approach God.

You don’t see God with the rigid schoolmaster rap that He sometimes gets?

I think sometimes we maintain this perspective that we're unworthy individuals. That He doesn't care for our needs. But going back to how my father provided for me, and helped me fund my dream when I wasn't financially in a position that I could; It's like, Okay, my earthly father is doing that, and this is such a bible verse right here, but how much more is my heavenly Father going to want to care for me and do those things?

You mentioned the moment you felt it click with God and you started getting these gigs, what flipped the God switch?

I was getting fed up with things. I have a lot of great people around me, and wisdom I can seek out. There were a lot of people around me at my church in the same business. It's a very common story, and when you start to relate to these people and hear what they went through, I think that's what gave me the new perspective. It's funny because when it all unfolds and things do happen you're like, I get it now. I understand every day and why it happened that way., Every audition makes sense to me now. God had a plan all along. If I got that first audition with The Offspring, I can't imagine that I would have kept God in my life.

Did you ever make a conscious decision to give your talent to God?

I think humility is something that my father really made a point throughout my childhood to instill in me.

I think I've always recognized that this talent is God-given. It was something special but I wasn't sure how to place it and what it would look like in terms of a career.

I think that's something I always try to give thanks for, and I'm just being reminded of how quickly things shifted. Then understanding how it looks, and how it's applied in the real world. I'm playing this guitar, and I'm playing on this show, how do I represent? I think that's the next level: how can you be that light in the entertainment industry

Who are some of your musical influences?

When I first started to get into the guitar my dad started to take notice. He was like, All right, it's time to pull out the vinyl! Luckily, my dad has a great vinyl collection. I have NO musical family members. But my dad really loves music, and he knows a lot about the musicians and the bands, but I'm sure he can’t play a note! [laughs] He had a lot of old Led Zeppelin stuff, Hendrix, The Cream, Derek and The Dominoes. And he was a big Clapton fan. That was one of the first guitarists I sat and really listened to, and really admired his playing. When I got into it later on, especially when I was writing, John Mayer was definitely an influence.

Let’s shift gears and talk about Christian music. Why do you think it’s such a hard market? Why do most people think it sucks?

[laughs] I'm glad you asked that! It's funny, I SO relate to that. My mom always used to say, Why don't you play in the church band? and I’d say, Because it's awful. A bunch of moms that think they can sing get up on a stage- and at least the church I came from, it seemed like any mom who would like do the dishes and sung worship was like I think I can do this. I think I'm gonna get up on Sunday and sing out of tune.

I don't know what it is, but it's all cheesy. I tried to get into it. My mom bought me cassette tapes of DC Talk, Newsboys. I think I like it. No, no. I actually don't. [laughs] Man, I don't know what it was. I don't even feel like it was so much the message. It was just,

This music is simply NOT good. There's nothing heavy about this. There's not even an electric guitar on stage. Everybody is playing acoustic, and I can't even hear them. All I can hear is the out of tune choir of mom's on the stage.

[laughs all around]

I never could quite put my thumb on it, but a lot of the stuff I do enjoy, such as Hillsong and Israel Houghton, and Tye Tribbett, when I heard them, I thought, Okay, some of this music isn't really all that bad.

I've spoken to a few musicians who are Christian and they prefer not to be categorized as Christian musicians. They want to be considered just musicians like anyone else. Do you see this as becoming more prevalent in the Christian artistic community?

You don't want to be this guy: Yeah, don't hire him. He's that Christian guy. You don't want to put yourself into that position. Where you're not getting gigs because you're, that bible thumpin' Christian guitar player. [laughs]

Is music what you want to be doing for the rest of your life?

Definitely. Absolutely. 100%. That's right, I'm in for life.

What makes a musician a great musician?

I think one of the key things that makes a great musician, whether it's a singer or an artist, is your ability to put your heart behind it; really sell yourself with emotion. You can't go wrong when you are putting yourself into it 100%; when you’re heart’s into it. You need to be passionate about it at the end of the day. You gotta sell it with as much conviction as you believe in it.

Because that's gonna be so much more felt than however fast or what the notes are rather your emotion behind your song, the passion behind the lyrics, that's what the people are going to relate to. Because they want to be emotional and passionate about the music they listen to and they want to relate to it on some level. I think you can't go wrong when you are putting yourself into it 100% and your hearts into it, you need to be passionate about it at the end of the day. You gotta sell it with as much conviction as you believe in it.

What would you tell someone who is in the position you were in before the ball started rolling?

[laughs] Don't go home quite yet.

Any musician that's of faith I would say pray and pray some more. It can be really so disheartening. God wants for you what you want also. If you are on fire and passionate and love something so much, why wouldn't God want you to have that? Believe that God wants you to have that. He believes you and loves you and he's gonna want you to have that too. Understand that God wants you to succeed, he doesn't want you to fail.

What's your desert island album?

I think I know this one. My desert island album would be John Mayer's Continuum. Everything is just brilliant. The first time I listened to it, the tone of his guitar and the over all quality of the sound, just blew me away. I'm in love with that album, it's a great piece of work. I'd say that's my desert island album.

Check Out

Chris Wrate

Josh Lind

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 17:39:24 +0000

Artist Josh Lind rising from the ashes of junk mail distribution to full time Creative Producer shares with us his views on collaboration, faith, and film. And why Christian media sucks and what he’s going to do about it.

What is it about the film medium that interests you?

The reason I ended up in film was because I had an interest in the arts, and more so, I had an interest in creating. I decided to go to art school, The Savannah College of Art & Design, and I got involved in film because I had such a hard time deciding specifically what I wanted to do. I had done video before, worked a camera, love cinematography, and loved the whole medium but I really found out after a lot of trial and error, I loved how collaborative that was, the film making process. I love story-telling as a completely open visual medium.

That's how I ended up in film.

So you’ve been gifted at doing many things extremely well? What lead you to focus primarily on producing?

I've kind of traced back and wondered why that happened myself. A couple of times because, the producers work, or the idea of what a lot of people think a producer is, is actually kind of uninteresting to me. The title of producer is pretty illusive. It can mean a lot of different things. It's a pretty open-ended word. It's really meant to be the guy who gets something done. But also, there's a whole level of quality control, there's a whole level of relationship skills, and being able to talk to people and persuade them, and get them to do what you need them to do.

So it's very much a vital role to everything, you need someone who has a big picture in mind

People think about a producer as the money guy, the bad cop to the good cop, or they think of him of being this guy who's out partying with everyone and schmoozing, and I have no interest in any of those things, I just want to be in the center of this amazing creative energy. I don't do just money. I don't do just scheduling. I'm much more into using those things as a tool to carry out the creative decisions. So, if someone is better than me at scheduling, I put them in that role. If someone is better at doing budgeting, I would love to put them into that role. So, it's just finding as many people who are better than me at everything and just fill in the gaps and make it happen.

How have you been able to take your passion and make a career out of it?

I've only had a couple of jobs in my life. I worked as a stock boy once. Which was totally fun, I mean, the bottom of the totem pole, but you could socialize, and, you know, actually, it was totally awful. [laughs] It was fine. I wouldn't want to do it again. It was very monotonous, very uninspiring. Just functional, I guess. I need money, I guess I'll be a stock boy. I was in middle school.

The last job I had was through a temp agency, and I could either work at a cheese factory operating a fork lift, or I could work at a junk mail factory. I went with the junk mail. I'm a little weirded out by cheese. I don’t like the smell.

So you thought smelling like spam was better than smelling like cheese huh?

[laughs] Yeah, I mean... It was an interesting experience. After that job, I decided, I'm never going to pursue another job again. I'm gonna work for myself from here on out. I would just do whatever it took to be my own boss, to choose my own destiny, to keep my passion running rather than going and trying to attach myself to something else. Another moving beast that I would either have to try to figure out how to be passionate about, or there was gonna be some sort of perfect storm that kinda created a new job position I would step into.

How can we make this doing what you love the new norm for talented people, as opposed to an edge case scenario.

I'd say as far as being an entrepreneur, there's definitely a balance and there's definitely a certain level of sacrifice you need to be willing to make.

The Sailor and the Fiendish Foot Producer Josh Lind

Do you consider yourself a perfectionist?

Oh. Yeah. Yes. That's a tough one. And that drives me crazy. Everything I've ever done, it's never, ever, done. I push endlessly with things then I just have to either be told it's over or let go. Or just completely explode.

You've got to prioritize, what's gonna make the list of to-do's and what's gonna fall off and just not happen and be good enough. And you have to be able to do that, otherwise you'll be working on your magnificent, piece of work that is going to define you for all of time. And it will never get done, and you will have never done anything for yourself. So there's a balance to that too.

To date, what would you say is the project you are most happy with?

Good question. I would say the one thing that just seemed impossible and monumental was probably my thesis project. That was the first time I realized the true potential of the team. And that was the first time where I let go of a lot of things, and they flourished because I let go of them, empowered someone else to take control in certain arenas. It was the first time where we didn't mindlessly go into something, we went in with a plan and spent probably the most amount of time to date preparing for it.

That was the first project where I spent a year making it, and I don't naturally like to do that. I like to get a project, go crazy on it, finish it, and move on to another project. Now looking back on it, it's too long, kind of loud and obnoxious at times, but there's just something so special and meaningful, my heart was put into it. It was a revelation for me in a lot of ways personally.

Has your faith played a role in your work?

Yes. Definitely. I feel like my faith shapes my personal vision, and then my personal vision shapes the project I'm involved with and passionate about.

I feel like I have an obligation to put more good in the world than to do anything else. So if the heart of the project, if it's dwelling in something that seems like self-gratification or an example of what is evil in the world, or expressing trials and tribulations without hope, those don't interest me. I am more interested in hope. I'm not interested in anything where at the end of it you're feeling hopeless. I've always kind of had a hard time with movies I thought were incredible films, but I didn't agree with the message.

My faith dictates me and my personal vision, and I think that kind of bleeds out to what I do and what I want to put out in this world. And it's actually been really tough. There's been many arguments, intense discussions about scripts or content or words used, or just certain things in a film that I just didn't feel comfortable with. I would much rather say, I don't care about anything. I just want to make awesome stuff, but there's a part of me, there is a filter, and that's actually been a weird wedge between some of my non-Christian creative friends, because they don't understand the restriction, the limitation.

How do you take it to a point where you are not making Christian films, you're just making awesome films that are very much in line with the truth of Jesus? I’ll get there. The truth that Jesus or God or Christianity brings to the world. How do we do that organically in a way that's cool and approachable? That's not stuffy and fake and watered down. It's my endless quest to figure that out.

Do you agree with this statement: If your work is not quality you're not reaching anyone.

Absolutely. Do I have to say any more? [laughs] I mean there's a time and a place for everything, sometimes you just have to be super functional, but that just doesn't intrigue me. I want to push the envelope, I'm a Christian yes, and I have certain core values that guide the choices I make, but I want to push every envelope I can possibly find. Quick, give me an envelope. I'll push it!

Your favorite film of all time is...

[laughs] It's funny. I realized this question was going to be asked. And I was like, Man, I should really think about this. I'm the worst at answering my favorite anything. And I think that is a part of me, a part of who I am. I have strong preferences, but I don't have favorites.

Okay, Amelie and The Matrix. The Matrix blew my mind.

Memo Producer Josh Lind

Cut to TV, what's your favorite TV show of all time?

Again, I don't know that I have a favorite. I feel that a certain part of everything could be better. I enjoyed watching the Lost series. I've seen every single episode of Madmen. Lost I find totally interesting with the balance between fantasy and reality. That's magical realism. And I love that genre. You don't get it ever! Is this real? Is this fake?

Why are there no good Christian movies?

Because to call it a, Christian movie, you have to water it down to the lowest common denominator. Because you can't insult anyone, you can't step on any toes. It's true, to call it a Christian film, it's hard to push the envelope. So what's the best Christian film you've seen? I'll ask you.

I'd have to say, and it's really touch and miss, I'd say The Passion of the Christ.

I knew you were gonna say that!

Just because it was so gory, bloody and brutal.

You just exactly covered it. That is only a borderline Christian movie right? What made it Christian was probably that it's the true story of Jesus. It pushed the envelope. I didn't really like all the gore, but I appreciated that he chose to do it. Because he said, Listen, if I'm going to make this traditional or stereotypical or a completely approachable Christian film. I'm gonna cut out a lot of the blood. I'm gonna cut out a lot of the suffering. I'm gonna cut a lot of the rawness out of it. Instead, he said No, I'm not gonna cut that out, in fact, I'm gonna focus on it to almost an uncomfortable point.

Exactly.

He pushed the envelope, and because it's a borderline Christian movie, I think that's why he made The Christian Movie that people remember as being the one that cut closest to a good Christian film.

There is a movement going on right now of artists from all mediums who are Christians and are separating themselves from the Christian market. Why do you think this is happening?

Good question. I've wondered the same thing. I don't know that I fully understand it. But, I think it very much goes along with the same thing, to fit into the Christian genre, you have to not offend anyone.

To be displayed in a church, you have to keep in mind that you can't send confusing messages without a further discussion. And to the people who take their faith further, you can discuss how something that wasn't either meant to be Christian based or something that had say, vulgarity in music, that is also talking about loving Jesus, in the same song sounds contradictory to a new believer and can send the wrong message.

But, if you're reaching people who are thinking more abstractly about their faith and trying to get deeper and go further and understand it more, and boil it down to a simpler state, I think there's a lot more of an open ended market that is not Christian media, not labelled Christian media, but it's media that is Christian.

I find it more interesting to find out that a great artist, or a great musician, or a great filmmaker is also a Christian. Rather than finding out that they're a Christian Artist.

You just began a program working with students, can you share a bit about that?

Yes, definitely. I am now employed for the first time since the junk mail factory. [laughs] What I mean by that is, I'm not self employed this time. I have an employer. This job is a total answer to prayer. A total answer to frustration. A total answer to a lack of inspiration. It's not necessarily a job. It's more my new vision, and my new understanding of myself.

The idea was this: Why in art school do people have to make up projects? It's like these really talented people feel like they've been had. There's a certain level of people who are ready for the real world. They're ready to do legitimate projects. But they're making up clients, making up projects for their portfolio. I said, Why don't we fuse that together, and see if there's some sort of way to give more opportunity to those people who are super talented and super ready for the real world, and give the real world access to these super talented, super hungry artists?

So I get a call from the person I wanted to pitch it to at SCAD, along with the president of the school saying, Hey, haven't talked to you in two years, but what are you up to? And I'm like Oh, I'm so excited, I'm doing a lot of things. LA is the perfect place for me. This is where I need to be. It's all here. I have so much at my fingertips, and I have so much I'm excited about. And I probably sounded like a crazy person.

The guy on the phone says, Let me tell you something that we're doing with SCAD. We're doing this thing called, Collaborative Learning Center, and the gist of it is we bring on real world projects, and we find departments to collaborate on them, and we take on that project within course curriculum. I was on the phone just like, What?!

So now I'm in Savannah heading up that department. And I feel lucky to be where I am at. I feel blessed to know that I have so much inspiration. I know the skills that God has given me, and I know them right now to the furthest extent that I've ever known them. And I know that this job, and this mission, and this big vision lines up perfectly with what God has given me as my gift. As of now I feel this is just where I need to be. Let's see what happens in a year and a half, I guess. [laughs]

Pencil Face Producer Josh Lind

We read a lot about artists who credit their wives for being a support and encouragement in their work. Your wife is an incredible painter, has she been an influence for you?

[laughs] Oh man. The answer is yes. I am so juvenile sometimes. I have a hard time with faith, and Christianity, and prayer, and a lot of stuff that are basics. I say I have challenges with this stuff, and she's like, That stuff is easy.

Another thing that she brings to my life to which I am endlessly grateful for, there's a freshness and a life about her. There's just a spark within her, and she's a very social person. And she does figurative oil painting; a fairly traditional oil painter. Very realistic. But her talent, her raw talent is insane, it is ridiculous. She didn't go to school for painting. She went to school for illustration, and realized she didn't like anything about illustration. So she taught herself how to paint.

I say, Life is a journey. You say:

I say, I hate that! I hate that because it's true. People can say simple truths to me, and I take them and I run through the mud trying to figure out all the complexities of life. And if I just take them at face value, I would save myself a lot of time, a lot of hard work. But then I look back and realize the things that mattered most to me where the things that I journeyed for. Because I never did arrive at where they were supposed to arrive at, but I arrived somewhere, and I journeyed somewhere, and I'm just gonna keep doing it.

I was looking forward to ending it with that statement.

Thanks for pushing my buttons.

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